The conversation

Cyclone Nilam in Tamilnadu & Hurricane Sandy in the US East coast were wrecking havoc .We were confined to the house moving around in the darkness, due to the regular power cut.It was pouring outside. My Uncle, who lives in Besant Nagar telephones, which is answered by my husband.Their conversation follows :

Uncle   -   (Sounding tense) "How's the situation?"
Husband - "Very bad . Water everywhere."
Uncle  - "I am watching the news right now. Very disturbing. I am worried."
Husband  - "Ya, I also saw."
Uncle  - "It seems a crane fell."
Husband  - "Ya, every day something or the other falls here. Trees are also falling."
Uncle  - "It is raining heavily and water has entered the city. The subway is flooded."
Husband  - "Ya, it is raining very heavily. Very strong winds. When has the subway not been flooded?"
Uncle  - "Large scale evacuation, I understand."
Husband  - "Yes, in the coastal areas."
Uncle  - "How 's the power situation?"
Husband - "Very bad, even now there is no power."
Uncle  - "Where is Mala ? Where are the children?"
Husband - "You should know. Have n't you called them?"
A pause..... and then
Uncle  -  "Is n't it Mohan in New Jersey?"
Husband - "No, it is Mani from T.Nagar. You spoke to me in the morning also."
Uncle - "Oh,  I am sorry,Mani. I think I dialled the wrong number."
The phone was abruptly disconnected.
(My Uncle was trying to reach his daughter & son in law in New Jersey! And my husband was referring to the situation in Chennai)
 

The Pigmy Agent

This happened about 25 years ago in Lucknow.

Coming out to the balcony to hang clothes, my eyes habitually surveyed the road, lingering for a few minutes before going in.The pedestrians -  mostly school children and a few office goers moving along; was the only activity on this otherwise quiet street, which had deviated a few yards from the hustle bustle of the main road.Aware of being watched, I looked around and saw this tall and stout man a few yards away on the other side of the road, gazing towards the gate and then at our balcony and me. My sharp memory reminded me that I had seen this man a couple of times near our gate.Brushing it aside, I ventured in to attend to my chores. An hour or so later, when I casually looked through the kitchen window, I saw him again under the shade of a tree, staring at our house.It seemed as though he was rooted to the ground and his eyes fixed. Feeling very insecure, I shut the window and waited for my husband to come home for lunch.

He was a deposit collector for the bank where my husband was employed. They were called "Pigmy Agents" and the nature of their work was to collect small amounts of deposits every day from the clients (which could be even as minimal as 1 rupee), and deposit them in the bank in their accounts. They were paid on commission basis and this man was earning a very high income owing to his large clientele.A volley of complaints against him sprung up all of a sudden and he was guilty of misbehaving with many depositors.Being his superior authority, my husband suspended him temporarily , until things were sorted out and he presented a convincing explanation and desist from his misbehaviour.A strange character, he was also mentally imbalanced at times and was said to have family problems.Fear of losing his income must have forced  him to take such steps which created panic in us. His repressed anger was clearly revealed in the way he stared.He also possessed a revolver which he always carried, probably to threaten us.

Fear led to insecurity and my overcautious husband arranged for security cover through a private agency.Since he did not want to harass him & to safeguard the depositors,police help was not sought.It was assumed that this was only a passing phase and he would overcome it.He was vindictive and carried out his self satisfying game triumphantly.It seemed as though he created panic only from a distance.

A guard sat outside our flat from morning till evening. The mind was fraught with anxiety.Fear gripped us as  the safety of my children was threatened.They were packed to school before he arrived on the scene, but there was always a hunch that he would be somewhere around observing our activities.My little son was personally dropped in school and brought back in the rickshaw, accompanied by the guard. My daughter cycled to school and much to her embarrassment, our faithful help followed her at a distance, till she safely entered the school premises.He would again wait at the school gate in the evening and follow her back inconspicuously.But ofcourse our enemy posing outside did no harm. It was very puzzling - his nonplussed behaviour.Even going out to buy day to day stuff became an issue for me and every action was done stealthily. When he saw me approaching he would retreat behind a tree, only to appear again as soon as I got into the car.Sometimes he would even stand there in disguise! He was enforcing upon us subtle psychological tension, which would make us miserable.

The ordeal continued for about three weeks by which time we started ignoring him .However our life became suspended in a void and no doubt we felt safe inside the four walls of our house.But there was nothing we could do about it and we hoped that he would soon put an end to this nefarious behaviour.Soon a transformation took place and he admitted his threatening behaviour  and expounded his questionable actions, after submitting his apology. He was only disturbed, deprived and lonely and his thoughts must have gone askew.Losing his job must have been an unexpected blow.He could only vent his frustration and anger on my husband whom he thought was responsible for his plight.Then he was ultimately reinstated back with adequate warning.







   

Drama on the road

After some shopping in Pondy bazaar,we walked towards the lane where our car was parked.As we approached the lane, my husband suddenly shouted,"Oh my God", and stared ahead in bewilderment.I anxiously looked in that direction and to my dismay, our car had been locked by the traffic police for wrong parking!( It was neither a 'no parking' zone nor was there any new signboard  suggesting it but then the rules are changed everyday by the traffic police and we have to abide by them.)The front tyre of the car had been clamped and a white slip placed under the wiper, with a contact mobile number of the traffic police written on it.

We were agitated.Anything concerning the police naturally brings jitters and calming myself,I consoled my disconcerted husband saying that he should be happy that the vehicle was at least left in its place and not towed away to the police station. A bit satisfied,he nervously dialled the number on the slip.I waited with bated breadth, very sure that he would be the recipient of the choicest abuses by the traffic policeman.He listened to the voice on the other side and repeatedly thanked him. He seemed a bit relieved since the policeman had told him that he was nearby and would arrive shortly.Gratified, I stood on the pavement, observing the people and traffic around AND my dear husband.He was as usual very restless, walking up and down the road, and getting irritated with me for nagging him to move to the side or else some speeding vehicle would knock him over.Passers by were looking at us with sympathy.One look at the car,then at us, and then a sympathetic nod. Feeling embarrassed, I moved further away, feigning any connection with the man or the car!

Tension mounting, I was observing my husband's restless actions.Walking  up and down the road, he was craning his head now and then to see if any police van was coming towards us. Since half an hour had passed, he dialled the mobile number a couple of times. He paid no heed to my warning that the haughty policeman at the other end would definitely abuse him for repeatedly disturbing him.Anyhow, the calls were not answered.

Impatient and tense, he removed his spectacles, wiped it with his handkerchief, wore it back, took out the mobile from his shirt pocket and checked God knows what, almost dropping it in the process, since his eyes were only on the passing vehicles.As he was sweating profusely thanks to the humid Chennai weather, he again dug into his pocket and wiped his face,only to realize it was the piece of paper with the mobile number with which he was wiping and not his hanky! Conscious that I was watching his nervous action when I could not control my laughter,he gave me a dirty look which meant "shut up, you will not understand my tension".

At last the police van arrived and my husband excitedly ran towards it,and in the process tripped over a piece of brick.Anticipating arguments, I stood rooted in my place, sharpening my ears to hear whatever was being spoken. What an anti-climax ! The policeman was extremely polite and overcourteous and apologized for arriving late !Probably my  pathetic looking husband's respectable demenour and politeness subdued him.Tensions slackened and  both parties were apologizing to each other while discussing parking problems in the City.The fine was paid and the car was released and we drove back home, the policeman waving us good bye.        

       

Home Health Care

A phone call announcing the arrival of the "Doctor & his team",and we spruce ourselves up earnestly for their visit.The elderly patient is briefed, and she eagerly awaits them. A retinue of Doctor,an assistant and a nurse arrive shortly, and are received with great expectations.

These are the people from a Home Care Unit.The sequence of events runs thus: they would sit by the patient and after the preliminary enquiries and basic check-up, talk to them in the most kindly manner and assure them of the best care under any circumstance. Words would be exchanged and mutually admiring each other, the patient would thank them profusely for their concern.Meanwhile,discreetly observing the household and its occupants, they would talk about the most inane topics over tea.Mission completed ,they would  leave with promising prompt service when required.

These enterprising  people with such innovative and thoughtful ideas are to be applauded and encouraged, since many elders are being benefited by their schemes.Most of their clients are aged parents of  NRI children who are living far away and they avail the services for fixed charges, which may even be in dollars!Once in two months they visit these elders, check all parameters, treat wherever necessary and send the reports to their children. Both the parties are benefited - children don't worry and are psychologically satisfied and the doctors make enough money.

Inspite of all this, personally we were not happy with the way things worked for us in reality.On one instance when the doctor was called, she arrived after three days, that too after requesting in person four times and telephoning  innumerable times!(the patient was bedridden and could not be moved.)This is the immediate attention they have given !.A long list of tests were done on the patient and she was diagnosed with typhoid.I almost fainted with the diagnosis since even by my own experience , I knew she was not having typhoid.She was a heart patient and there was some other problem.Later I was told by a friend that this doctor diagnosed most of her patients with typhoid, a silent tie-up between the laboratory, the chemist and the doctor!But the adamant doctor insisted she had to be administered the required medicine and admitted in her nursing home. What did we find there ? My heart missed a beat - messy rooms, no lift, no wheel chair for the patient - very bad infrastructure!A guy looking like a driver appeared with an old ECG machine and keeping it tilted on the bed, started taking the readings. I became agitated and almost fought with him. There was no reaction from him!Helpless,with no way to alter the situation , I could only resort to my prayers. Somehow having got caught in their web of sorts, we stayed for two days and wriggled out of the clinic,with no visible improvement in the patient's health.I seemed to have straight come out of a Robin Cook's book!

Subsequently we went back to our familiar corporate hospital and she was treated there finally.What an irony that the charges in the Home Health Care clinic was almost the same as the corporate hospital, though both were poles apart in all aspects! We thought we would get immediate treatment near our house comfortably but we were wrong. And these are the doctors who receive an award almost every month from Lions Club, Rotary Club, what not for their services to elders! I loath to see their faces peeping out of the newspapers very often. Having borne so much misery, we have bid good bye to Home Health Care.It was an eye-opener and personally I would never recommend  to anyone.It seems to be more a money making business than a care centre for elders .  

The tumultuous Journey

Train journey from Bangalore to Delhi ...Armed with books and MP3 Player,we boarded the A/C coach of the train,looking forward to rest & recreation.Our spirits diminished, when we found a fairly large group of muslim men inside the compartment.Except a couple of families like us, they seemed to have occupied the whole coach.Looking around discreetly, not staring, I surveyed the men around us.They must all be between 18 and 25, clad in traditional white dress, and intermittently chanting verses from the Quran. Later we came to know that they were in Bangalore to participate in some convention.

My husband was suspicious of them and we felt uneasy. Adding to our fear was a big ,black trunk ,placed under a seat opposite ours. Our imagination ran wild and we were very sure the box contained explosives.Amidst the din & noise, a few hours later, we noticed two of the men pointing towards the box and muttering to each other in urdu.Our fears worsened and we cursed our fate for boarding this train on this particular day!

It was soon dinnertime and we started having our food which we had carried with us. The men were all sitting quietly now and having nothing to do,were staring at us . I noticed they were signing to each other with their eyes,trying to convey some message, when one of them bent down and reached for the trunk. We froze!Hearts beating faster, we watched as he reached for a plastic bag, which was clinking as he brought it out. Something shining and gleaming - must be sharp weapons, we assumed! And then came out square packets, letting out strong aroma of biriyani !(or else we would have thought of bombs!)The packets were distributed and spoons from the plastic bag handed out..And apples and water bottles came out of the black box! They had brought a box full of food and here our monkey minds were working negatively!

By the next day,we were on smiling terms and they wished us "Assalamalaykum".My husband, feeling awkward replied "Wa alaykumsalam" and I couldn't control giggling..They were friendly and made small talk with my husband.It was so entertaining - they in Urdu and he in English and broken Hindi. The highlight of the journey was when we started taking  out our suitcases, since our destination was nearing. One of them asked -" kahan uthar rahe hain:"? My husband, who was still ill at ease in their company, was fidgetting with our suitcase and hurriedly jabbered "Mohammed Azaruddin" - instead of our destination "Hazrat Nizamuddin".A moment of silence, then laughter resonated in the coach!. Realizing the error, and highly embarrassed,we jumped out of our compartment.My husband loudly shouted "Khuda Haafiz",and waving to them, lost no time in moving towards the exit!He was at peace.

Give me strength

Two patients, one daytime attendant, two night attendants, husband, myself, enquiries, hospital visits, calls,calls and more calls!Three weeks of this situation and I am still sane & smiling! My mother in law (91 yrs) was in the ICU, and later hospitalized for a few days and discharged, and a week before that, my mother (77 yrs)was in the same hospital with a dislocated shoulder. Things went totally out of gear for a couple of days by this unexpected crisis,but soon normalcy returned.My friends sympathize with me while still skeptical about my sanity!

No doubt, our workload has doubled, but since there is no escape from it,we have accepted it.And accepted it with willingness and patience. Having paid help definitely makes it easier to manage, but they have to be constantly monitored. They have to be briefed about their work or else they tend to just idle away the time.And cooking and serving healthy nutritious meals is top priority with no compromise. In spite of all the chaos and frenzy, our household seems to be still running smoothly.

Strict routine enables us to have our own space and we have not given up our walks & exercises albeit altered timings.Reading, music,TV watching- nothing has stopped. Ofcourse both my husband & me can not venture out together.We take turns so that one always remains at home.This may continue for a few days and we hope everything will become normal soon.

Our stress levels have definitely increased but we are trying our best to be calm.Thinking positively and facing situations as they come has certainly helped.Life becomes easier when there is acceptance. It is a very difficult task to handle two demanding elders at the same time.In the present scenario ,no one is willing to help physically, all the more if the person is old with failing health.This is the bitter truth! And we ourselves are moving towards that end.

Freedom in August

15 th August - Independence Day - Indeed it was for Periamma! She got her freedom from life ! Living in an old age home near Kumbakonam, this frail,old woman had immense will power,even at the ripe age of 94.The hard heartedness of her own kith and kin led her to this place which was her "home" for the last five years.

Widowed at a very young age, she struggled to bring up her two daughters,living with relatives and helping and serving them in return. The ruthlessness of immediate family did not deter this extrovert from leading an active life, moving away from one place to another, once the daughters were settled.Fate had not been kind to her and she finally landed up here almost bedridden.Money was never a problem for her, as some sympathetic family members were always supporting her.She led a fairly comfortable life here, looked after by kindly servants, but so lonely was she!

The inhuman attitude of people amazes me when I look at her life! What crime had she done that she had to be isolated like this? This is the plight of thousands today !

Ironically, people swayed into action when news of her death came.Guilt ridden relatives were making enquiries thro' phone and many of them landed up for the funeral.. Every one seemed to be talking about her after her death.Her eyes were donated as  she wished and she received a decent farewell.Surely the hypocrites who were responsible for her state would conduct all the eventual ceremonies too in style, so as not to be punished  by the gods for not taking care of her when she was alive!

She was alone when she lived, but death brought so many people around her.May her soul rest in peace !      

Yesterday once more

Two weeks after our Gurgaon trip and we are still reminiscing about the time spent with dear grandchildren. The summer experiment of leaving the children with grandparents, worked very well.Both sets of enthusiastic grandparents vied with each other to entertain them to the maximum. Adorable that they are, Advaith (6 and a half),Yukta (3 and a half), never missed their parents and enjoyed themselves as much as we did.Even if they did, they never expressed it , and of course their parents called every day and spoke to them . We took them to the beach, the parks, the Zoo, the Planetarium, a movie and what not.In general, all of us had a good time and then we flew  to Gurgaon.We spent a good two weeks there, which were filled with other activities.Since school had still not reopened, we opted to take care of them while their parents traveled on work.
Those were awesome days! We became children once again. Swimming , tennis classes, we accompanied them everywhere.Advaith, our mobile encyclopedia, has widened our knowledge about wild life and big cats in particular. It is amazing and unbelievable that at his age he is so much into reading knowledge & informative books.He is a storehouse of knowledge indeed !His drawings and their captions speak volumes about his talent! And Yukta is not one to be left behind. She would follow her big brother's footsteps and do whatever he does.Her cute way of addressing my husband as "thaathee"or "thaaths" in some specially affectionate situations are so endearing . Yukta loves to don different hair styles ,so we would spend a lot of time on styling her hair, and she would admire herself so often in front of the mirror. The 100 % game between her and her thatha, compelled her to drink most of her milk, mornings and evenings and she believed that her tresses would grow still longer.Playing Hide & Seek, always quizzing, reciting poems, nightly discussions, everything was so enjoyable that we did n't realize when the two weeks ended and it was time for us to leave. Thank you Advaith & Yukta for bringing so much joy into our lives. Truly, these are wonderful moments to cherish !.

Garbage matters!!

I had never imagined, that disposing garbage would become a ticklish issue for us some day. Three decades ago, in New Delhi,there was this system of the Jamadars coming every day, to clean the toilets and pick up garbage for disposal.(I am not aware if that system still exists).They formed a union and a specific number of persons would be allotted a number of houses for cleaning.

The man who used to come to our house was around 25 years old and a non-stop chatter box.His work was very clumsy and irritated me but I had to put up with him.One day,his detestable  behaviour confounded me and we ended up quarelling over a trivial issue.I was so vexed and upset, that it led to my husband pushing him out of the door forcibly and ordering  him to leave. He left muttering and to my dismay, a group of his people had gathered outside within minutes, hurling abuses at us. I was distraught at the state of affairs! They accused us of beating the man.(Imagine our plight if my husband had really beaten him !).We remained behind closed doors, not willing to come out and face the sudden animosity that had developed between us. The crowd left, shouting that no one would work for us hereafter.

From the next day, began the onerous task of disposing the garbage.Till that day, we had no idea where they were taking all the garbage. Anyhow, now we had to take the task upon ourselves. Those days, New Delhi was a much cleaner city and one could not find litter on the roads as seen today.So, my husband set out to spot the nearest dumping yard, which happened to be almost a kilometer away. The disposal could not be done in the day time,since we wanted to avoid the stares of servants & jamadars in the area.. Thus my husband donned the role of bread-winner in the day time and garbage disposer after dusk!

"Operation Garbage" would take place only at night. The plastic bag containing garbage would be placed in yet another presentable  bag and carried by my husband, as though he is delivering a parcel at some one's place or going shopping ! He would walk down the street stealthily, to avoid the prying eyes of our captious landlord.Why all this was done in a hush-hush manner God alone knows! May be we wanted to shield our embarrassment !

My husband would drive on his scooter to the garbage dump after dark every day and hurl the bag with great expertise!(thanks to his bowling ability in cricket).Unlucky times, his clumsy handling would land the garbage bag near someone's door and he would immediately take to his heels (in which case he would be chased by stray dogs for quite a distance). We have to thank our stars, for those were not the days of terrorist attacks, or else he would have been arrested on suspicion!

Sometimes a visitor or a close friend who came to our house would be promised a lift back home and he would be most lovingly requested to carry the garbage bag to be thrown on the way in some dumping yard.The scene would be reminiscent of Karan Johar handing the gift hamper to his star guests at the end of his programme! I am sure the poor friend would have regretted his visit !

Two weeks later,we were jubilant over the arrival of my brother to spend his holidays with us.My dear brother would not have guessed what was in store!My husband in particular, leaped with joy, since then onwards my brother would be the pillion rider carrying the garbage bag. This arrangement went on smoothly for a week, by which time the Jamadars' group came to us to apologize. They said that we were "good madrasis" and we should forgive them for the man's odious behaviour. And we heaved a sigh of relief !
 

Mr.Smile

He is a short & stout elderly man,who would make the park his home for almost 2 hours every morning.Every single walker was familiar with this person, who moved with a very slight limp.His unique quality of greeting each and every person whom he passed by, with a namaste or good morning,endeared him to one and all.
 
He was involved in multifarious activities in the park. On sundays, he would conduct public speaking classes under a tree and every one was welcome to participate.Games & walkathons were organized to mark special occasions. Republic day and Independence day were celebrated in his initiative.He also arranged daily poojas in the small Ganesha temple in the park.The credit for all these happenings goes to him. He is 79 years old and I admire his zest for life and the positive energy he spreads all around.

His personality was enhanced by his captivating smile. It was contagious and people would smile back.The reason for his good health must be his joyous smile.Often we have experienced that most people around us have an unsmiling attitude. Why can't they smile back when someone smiles at them ? For some,even smiling seems like a herculean task!

I can recall, the officer in the US Embassy addressing the visa applicants before their interview, and giving them tips on how they must  conduct themselves during the procedure. The first point he stressed was to smile.He was very disapproving of Indians, who, according to him basically do not smile and hence fail to impress.

Smiling is the key to success and a recommended facial exercise too.It costs nothing.So let us all smile and succeed! And keep a healthy mind in a healthy body like old Mr.Smile.

The harassed wife

A lot has been written and talked about the emancipation of women & the independence they enjoy in our country.Women power is being applauded.But in the rural parts of the country, women are still suppressed and harassed.The experiences of these faceless and voiceless women, who lead restricted lives reach us via the media & press. Much of what happens in cities is unknown.

But one incident I came across was indeed shocking. One of my husband's subordinate officers,  Mr.Sinha was a well educated,decent gentleman. He was a workaholic and had an impressive career record.Though conservative Biharis, his family was modern in their life style. They would often visit us as they lived close by. They presented a picture of a perfect family.

One late evening, my husband had just got back home from office, when the door bell rang.I was amazed to see a distressed Mrs.Sinha, with a tear stained face at the door. Sensing trouble I invited her in.She hesitated and then on entering,sat down and started weeping. Narrating something which was incomprehensible,she repeatedly said that her husband was out to kill her that day.

Shocked at this revelation,we could not believe all that she confided in us. He  was a sadist and would harass her for even trivial issues.She had been enduring his shameful behaviour for the last 15 years but  today, when he resorted to beat her and lock her up,she could bear no more. She was completely powerless to protect her two teenage daughters, though he meant them no harm.

She somehow managed to elude him and a kind rickshaw puller escorted her to our place.She sought my husband's help and requested him to accompany her to her house, to speak to her husband and warn him of dire consequences to his career.Her optimism led her to believe that he would listen to my husband since he respected him a lot.She was visibly embarrassed but this was her last straw. We were stunned and perplexed, since we always assumed he was an even tempered, easy going, harmless sort of person.

It was a difficult decision to intrude upon their private issue, but then we had to help her .She was shattered and all alone.Leaving her behind, my husband went to meet Mr Sinha, taking along another common friend with him.Things were sorted out at length, and he profusely apologised. Embarrassed and guilty, he submitted a written note of apology too.

Words unspoken and with a heavy heart Mrs.Sinha went home and subsequently all seemed well.

A few months later, I met the couple at a function.Mr.Sinha's friendliness and demure attitude drew attention and he was in his best behaviour too.I smiled to myself- only we knew the other side of his personality. It was inconceivable that this man was in reality a  Jekyll & Hyde !

The cheer leader

There was a wedding in the family & the small house was overcrowded with the near and dear ones.It was a reunion of sorts, with many of them living abroad, joining us.Only two days were left for the wedding & there was a hodgepodge of excitement all around.Everyone was having fun.

Sleeping arrangements were simple. The majority of members slept in the huge hall, the floor covered with make shift beds. Children were rolling about & no one really cared about the comforts. The only mantra was to enjoy.

Two days prior to the wedding,early in the  morning around 4.30, my mother in law as usual began making coffee for the early risers. The sweet aroma of filter coffee was slowly waking up the others, one by one.I was awake though still lying down, when I heard the clinking of ladels & spoons hung in the stand in the kitchen.At that time, my mother in law had gone out of the kitchen to fill water and the unusual sound made me look towards that direction. Just then she entered the kitchen and  started shouting "thirudan , thirudan (meaning thief  thief)".She had spotted a pair of hands slowly reaching for the small silver lamps & other items kept on the kitchen counter. She couldn't see the person in the outside darkness. On hearing her, every one got up shouting & pandemonium prevailed.All of us ran out & my brother in law & two other persons chased the two men who were supposedly the culprits.We could guess that they had the stolen goods in the little bag they carried. In the hustle bustle, I could distinctly hear my husband's voice & assumed he was one of the persons chasing the thieves.I secretly admired his prowess and went inside the house.I stopped short & was appalled to see him still sitting in the bed, shouting loudly "(pidi  avanai  ...pidi pidi)  catch him  ... catch  the thief " while still not out of his slumber. This was his reaction to whatever was happening around. He had not moved an inch out of the bed!! Surely he was the 'cheer leader' of our house ! This was his way of expressing solidarity .

The friendly Uncle

Our two year stint in Patna began on a very satisfying note as we settled down in a newly constructed apartment of our choice. We were impressed by the wood  furnishings in the house & our landlord seemed very friendly & accommodating.. He was a stickler for neatness and admired the orderliness of our house. However I was troubled by the huge size of the balcony which was divided into two by a single wall.They were living on the other side of the wall in an identical flat. Any time they could enter our space by jumping over the wall,which was only 3 feet in height.So, often I would keep the glass doors of the balcony closed to ensure privacy especially when my husband was away. 

It was only a few days later, we realized that there was no lady in their house. They were conservative thakurs and this was all men's den. The parents & sisters were living in a huge mansion in their native village & would visit occasionally. Mr.Babban ( his nick name), our land lord , a man of about 30 & a bachelor, had two of his cousins for company. He himself had done his graduation & was planning to appear for the civil services examinations. But he did not even know where Tamilnadu was in India & he could not even speak english. However, he was very confident of becoming an IAS officer soon! His cousins were studying medicine in Russia, so they said, but they too were in the same boat! What they were doing most of the time in Patna, instead of attending medical college in Russia was a mystery! They too would have  become top doctors in Patna, I suppose ! And there was an uncle who was a gentleman to the core. He was quiet ,very soft spoken & would talk and play with my little son. They all liked our family since we all  spoke their language, Hindi.

My husband was relieved since he had to travel often & these people seemed trustworthy. So it was a safe apartment for the family while he was away, since  Bihar was a state known for its high crime rate. My son was at first  thrilled (we were scared) at the sight of two big rifles hung on the wall in their drawing room.But it was owned by them for safety.

A few months later, I was informed that his parents had arrived & auntiji wanted to see us.I went there with my kids & they started chitchatting with the "uncle" who was offering them chocolates. Auntiji  was a kind looking  lady  in traditional attire & greeted us warmly. As she was observing my kids & the man, she told me in a hushed tone that he was her nephew & loved to play with my children, since he was missing his own, who were in the village. Then, very casually she mentioned that he was seeking refuge here since the police were hunting for him in connection with two murders believed  to have been committed by him.A shiver snaked along my spine. As she was talking, a silent track of thoughts ran in my head - my God ! My husband trusted these people for our safety while he was away and all along,our custodians have been this family with a criminal among them ! What an irony !Of course we never had any issue with them and they were  very friendly but the rest of our days in Patna were spent in constant apprehension of lurking danger. Isn't it so true that appearences are often deceptive?

Earthquake

The recent earthquake in Delhi & Punjab evoked memories of another earthquake we experienced in 1989.

We were in Patna at that time. By some arcane power, my husband is always far away from the site when any calamity strikes. He escapes the harrowing experiences like earthquake, communal riots,floods etc.How very lucky ! Sad, only I am left to handle the situation. This time too, as usual he was in Bombay.

Dinner over, kids & me settled down in bed with our books. I was troubled, in spite of the soft babble of my children' voices beside me and  the stray barking of the street dogs.The silence & solitude was pressing and it seemed like the mind was in anticipation of some approaching danger.

Suddenly there was a rattling sound all around and our bed began to shake as if we were in a small boat. My immediate reaction was to hug my children and they clung to me in fear. Two wall pictures fell, so also the glass of water on the side table. It seemed to be lasting for ever. Within a few seconds I realized that we were experiencing an earthquake!

There was pandemonium all around.My neighbor shouted out to us to come out onto the road. People were on the streets. We came out and another neighbor shouting "bhoochal  , bhoochal" was running down the staircase while urging us to follow him. Another person was contemplating jumping from the second floor but fearing the height was hesitating, by which time the earthquake had stopped.Suddenly everyone around started laughing loudly, more to hide their fears.The sight of the man on the parapet wall of the second floor still standing rooted there,created a humorous moment. He himself was laughing to tears.A minister was residing close by and he too had come out of his house. People were singing 'Mantri baahar, kapde andhar' the next day making fun of him.

Realization of near destruction set in and people behaved affectionately with each other (normally at loggerheads.)What a change in our mindset !We were thrilled that we had experienced an earthquake.Our clock had  turned upside down and few tiny artifacts had shifted a bit from their place.There was no major damage  in our neighborhood, but slowly news began to trickle in, about the devastation it had caused. It was of quite a high magnitude and the epicentre was in Darbhanga, a nearby town in North Bihar. Many people had died, many injured and hundreds of  buildings came down.

We realized how fickle life could be. My neighbor also told us of their belief that another earthquake could follow within 24 hours. So that left me sleepless throughout the night.My husband, hearing the news, arrived by the next available  flight from Bombay.We were relieved to see him and thanked God for sparing us.   

Shiva vs Ma in law

Shivarathri & Ekadasi spell terror for me  lately. It means more hours for me  in the kitchen, dishing out small quantities of a variety of "palagaarams" or tiffin sans rice for my mother in law, since she  would be "fasting". She  is 90 years old and has been prohibited from fasting by us as  her system will not be able to adjust to the rigid rules of fasting. The mini tiffins take care of the hunger pangs& frequent heartburns.Her present obsession is to probe into the obscure truth about life.What will become of her in the next birth - will she be punished or rewarded for her deeds in this birth?. She often sits brooding and I assume she is negotiating all the options available l. Heaven has been ruled  out since when she asked my husband, who  the real sinners were, he said all of us are sinners in some way or the other.Nevertheless, he consoled her saying that, hell would  be a very interesting place since almost all our relatives would there! Having accepted this as a matter of fact, she believes reading & performing poojas would reduce the sin percentage & may probably increase the chance of getting a better option in hell.

Came Shivarathri, and pooja preparations started early in the morning. Flowers & vilva leaves were bought after pestering my husband, who  grumbled about searching for the flower seller( who sells vilva leaves )all over T.Nagar. As usual I readied  the pooja place with the customary kolam & lamp .A close relative was staying with us that day, and  I busied myself making breakfast..I was also amused to see my husband unusually  switching over to a  dhoti & saying his  prayers after placing the vilva leaves  over the Shiva Lingam. Our relative, who was regular with his morning puja  also  placed the vilva leaves & offered his prayers.

Any one of the older generation would have been impressed by the serene and religious ambience in our house.. My mother in law was visibly pleased & after her bath, began her pooja in great style. Many silver & brass pooja utensils lay scattered around her with water, fruits, milk, honey in them.. The pooja lasted 45 minutes & she finished it with an aarthi. I had to assist her throughout .By the end of the pooja, the place looked like a battle field - flowers & leaves scattered thickly all over & no sign of the two lingas we possessed!. They were bathed  with honey & milk and covered by the innumerable vilva leaves!I made a mental note of cleaning up the place with utmost care the next day or else the lingas would find themselves in the dustbin, as many tiny  idols have on  earlier occasions. It seemed like a tug of war between Shiva & ma in law.
By now she was exhausted but not one to lose, she recited some  passages from the Bhagavad Gita & then, her feat accomplished, settled down to relish the first meal of the day - a generous helping of the carrot halwa I had made!.

I wondered, if after all the oneness with "Shiva", has she signed a secret pact with him & has the Omnipresent promised her a blissful Heaven ?

 .

Happy Shifting

My daughter seems to be  following my footsteps , shifting houses like I have, 15 times in the 38 years of our marriage ! Is this also genetic ?

My husband's bank job entailed frequent transfers, so we would be moving base almost every 2 to 3 years.Relocation meant change of schools for children as well, which was of course  top priority.We had to find the best schools for them. But the darlings that they were, both were extremely adjusting and adapted very well to the new environment easily. Not only that, they used to do remarkably well in academics in spite of change in schools and sometimes under different systems. No complaints at all !

What would have been a loathsome task for many, was an enthusiastic journey for me.Settling down in a new place has been a pleasure always.

Prior to our shiftng, my husband would join his new office, fix up a suitable flat at a convenient locality, enquire about the schools and then come back to move the family.By the time he arrives,I would have organized most of the packing.Cartons would be taped  neatly with the contents labelled on the top for easy unpacking.My children would not lag behind. Bookworms that they are (genes!), they would pack up their treasured books & all other stuff in the allotted cartons and  make sure that they are securely taped & labelled. My husband would organize our travel with the help of his staff. With all these activities (transfer of gas connection,getting TCs from schools and all other formalities) going on, our daily routine would remain the same. I would still be cooking till the previous day !

We would look around with contentment & appreciation at our skill in packing. The packers would arrive to bundle them up and load them in trucks.In the initial  years, our "prized possessions" like the Color TV,VCR, Mixie,my favorite cuckoo clock and gas oven,not to forget the innumerable Kanchipuram sarees would all travel with us  in the AC first class coach lest the truck guys don't damage them!Now it seems so silly. Till we reach our destination ,we would be engulfed by the suspense of the new flat and the environment .The kids would be excited!Of course most of the times it has been on a welcoming note with my husband's colleagues/staff receiving us warmly.

We would unpack and settle down always within 24 hours. My husband would take care of outside activities with the help of his staff. I love to arrange all the stuff & the same goes with my husband and children.The kitchen starts functioning the same day & we are back to the initial process of getting familiar with the surroundings and admission in schools . It is so satisfying when things are arranged in their proper places and everything is spic & span. Invariably the  bank would always provide new furniture & landlords would color wash the house, so a feel-good atmosphere would prevail. I am a cleanliness freak and the fever has caught on to my spouse & kids.A house can be well organized when all the members are disciplined at least in putting away things in their proper places. This has become a matter of habit in our house, so at any time it is always tidy. I am really house proud!

A change of scene is always welcome after having stayed in one house for two or three years. It also helps in clutter free living since we invariably throw away or donate   many unwanted things at the time of shifting. We have always shifted joyfully , so the result has been pleasurable. It is now 15 years since we shifted last and I am looking forward for the change!

Some one who came to our house once remarked - "your house looks like a hotel. I am quite uncomfortable. A house should have things scattered all around!"-  What do you say ?



.

The Morning Walk

Every morning my husband & I drive to the nearby park (which I consider a "Walker's Paradise" in Chennai), finish our walk and exercises & drive back home.When one of my friends came to hear of it last year, she expressed her desire to accompany us & I readily agreed on the condition that she should be ready by exactly 6 in the morning. She is on the heavier side and her grievance was that she was unable to reduce inspite of all the house work she did.She was in awe of me since she thought that my not so slim figure was the result of my daily walk and exercise. (She was unaware of the "gene"factor and I let it be).

Thus  started my friend's morning walk and rise in my BP. She would wait for us at 6 and return with us around 7.15 or so.She was very punctual in the beginning but after a while she started coming late. We used to wait for her much to the irritation of my husband who would have already driven to the gate to wait there for us to come.So one day I told her that she must keep up the time since I had to be back at 7.15 to make breakfast for my mother-in-law. Then started the daily ordeal. She would call me at odd hours at night after 10 pm to find out if we will be going for walk the next day. She was always confused for no reason. I had already told her that on days when I wouldn't go, I would inform her and she could walk inside our building complex. But she never seemed to understand. Early morning at five, she would ring up sometimes to say that she was not coming even though I had already told her that we would leave if she was not to be seen in the mornings. This led to my switching off my mobile phone & disconnecting my land line (very early morning calls naturally worry the elders in the house and they wake up so early much to my annoyance and I have to answer all their queries). My husband was vexed with all these and he would tell me that it was difficult to keep up time when someone else joined for the walk unless she was disciplined like us. Some times she would be on time at 6 and I would be late by just two or three minutes. And she would have the cheek to ask me why I was late. I would be boiling with rage but then would control my anger. We are obliging her and she is asking me why I am late?

When someone joked why she had not yet become slim like Kareena Kapoor, she pointed towards me as though I was her trainer and responsible for her weight reduction. My husband would laugh & remark "Why are you upset because of her? You are helping her and she should be obliged to you". Now she is quite disappointed to know that my husband's cataract surgery is due in a few days and after that we will not be going for walk for about a month. "What will you do?" she asked. "Walk inside the complex" I said. "What time?"she asked. I said "Any time convenient to me. You carry on." She was disappointed! How I have put myself in a situation where I have to be answerable to her! (But still she is a good friend. So the ordeal still continues).

Hello, Can someone tell me who is taking whom for a walk !!

A new beginning

The New Year was just round the corner. I was chatting with my friends one evening when the conversation shifted to buying something special on New Year's day. As expected, they decided on buying some diamond jewellery since their affinity for gold & diamonds is very strong. I am not sentimental about my new year shopping. I buy only when required & most of the jewellery have been purchased during my marriage (Lucky Husband! I make no jewellery demands!). Anyway they were discussing about the shops -GRT, Joyalukkas or Tanishq? I was only a silent  observer. 

My thoughts shifted for a moment ...... looking back I have crossed so many hurdles, problems, tough times but eventually emerged unscathed. But brushing aside the past -  what I do not have now? A beautiful family, a caring husband, 2 lovely children who have brought along lovely spouses, who are as good as son & daughter to us & the most adorable grand children who bring smiles to our faces - not to forget the circle of family & friends around me. Are these not the diamonds I own, so precious, difficult  for many to get? I am blessed !

Just a few days before the new year, my mother hands me a small box. I open it & what do  I find ? The most beautiful diamond studded ring! "Happy New Year" says my mom. "This is for you". Awsome feeling! My husband says when you have no expectations, things will come to you! How right! So my new year too has started with a shower of diamonds !

My friends got together for their new year party and I realised they had still not set off for their diamond shopping !!